My mother has a borderline-unhealthy obsession with The Real Housewives.
Not just the Real Housewives of Orange County.
Not just the Real Housewives of New York.
Not just the Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Not just the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Not just the Real Housewives of DC.
No.
She has a borderline-unhealthy obsession with ALL of them.
Which has started to rub off on me.
Kind of.
I can't stand the Real Housewives of Orange County... they make me cringe.
The only one I liked on New York was Bethenny and she has her own show, so I'm no longer obligated to what that bullshit.
Atlanta was a bore - and a certain blond white girl who thought she was black kind of made me give up hope on humanity. As did her singing voice. (Which reminds me, so did "the countess" and Danielle off of Jersey...)
I haven't even TRIED to watch DC more than once, since while they look more human - no skinny little bitches on that one, except for one... whose lack of mass seems to be impacting her brain - they are also far more obnoxious, since you now add in Politics.
What my weakness is... well, that would be The Real Housewives of New Jersey. As much drama as Jersey Shore, slightly more brains and way less spray tan. Even here, on the one show that I don't fight when my mother puts it on EVERY SINGLE BLOODY NIGHT, I can't stand the majority of the cast.
Let's break this down:
When this show comes on, the face I dread seeing is that of Danielle Staub. Or whatever her name is now that she's flipped a bitch on TV and is probably going into witness protection so that those people who want the world to be a better place don't fling her off of a cliff. My personal suggestion was that we use her and her ego to plug up the oil spill in the gulf of Mexico, but that's just me. I am in no way a doctor, but if I WERE, I would guess that Danielle Staub has a laundry list of mental issues that could be easily dealt with if she would simply institutionalize herself - on a related note, once her eldest daughter turns 18, I believe SHE can ask that her mother be institutionalized. It's a good idea - I'm considering it for my father.
Then there's her daughters. I don't dislike them. In fact, I find them charming... the older daughter (Christine) is a lovely human with buckets of talent who deserves to be free of her mothers claws so she can pursue greatness, while the younger one (Jillian)is sweet but could use a better parent-figure that can steer her towards her own creative and emotional and social growth. Simply put: GIRLS, run away. Run FAR away. Your father seems nice, try that one next, yeah? Run!
Ehem... anyways...
From there, we've got the slate of people that I neither like or dislike.
Teresa Giudice and her flock of small, bow-covered children. She seems rather frivolous... and while her children are adorable and she seems incredibly sweet, I don't find her to be particularly... I don't know. Inviting? But it's hard to complain, as she is so much better than the ego-centric Staub. Yes, Teresa reminds me of girls I went to high school with. But obviously I've gotten used to that.
Next, is Jacqueline Laurita. Once again, this girl reminds me of the girls I went to high school with. Her daughter, on the other hand, is like nails on a chalkboard for my mind. She's petty and reckless and... high school. SO VERY HIGH SCHOOL. My immunity wears thin with these two. SO. VERY. THIN.
Finally, the "I like her, just not as much as I like other people" housewife: Dina Manzo. She's nice. She seems smart. Her daughter is adorable. Her cat gives me the creeps. She gives me a slightly high school vibe, but not particularly. She reminds me a bit of my mother as well. Which is scary.
And then...
Well, if I could have hand-picked my mother, this is the woman I would have chosen. Caroline Manzo and her husband Albert, their kids Albie and Lauren and Christopher... dibs on that family if I get a do-over.
Caroline is the only one who without fail I find to be smart, charming, maternal... she's the kind of person who I want the world to be filled with. Enough said.
So, children, what have we learned today?
1 - with enough exposure, I can apparently learn to like just about anything. Except for certain people in my home town... no amount of spending time with you lot will make me like you. Just like no amount of therapy (my suggestion: electroshock) will make Danielle Staub tolerable and sane.
2 - I get really, really vicious when people who don't deserve to exist are on TV being dumb bitches who will, if karma is the bitch she's always proven to be, will suffer some great discomfort in the near future... um. Right. Yeah. Me = vicious bitch. That'd be lesson number two.
3 - there are five different varieties of "Real Housewives" and all but one should probably go off air, since the other that deserved a time slot lost it's crowning jewel.
See? Three whole lessons from one post about a generally pretty lame TV series. Ace.
XO
Freak
PS:
I forgot to mention the Kims: Kim D and Kim G. Here's all I've got to say about the Kims ---> Dear Kim D and Kim G, please fall off of the face of the planet. Oh, and if you want to, take Danielle with you. XO Freak
PPS:
Dear Christine,
You're amazing. Let me express my pity for the fact that your mother took the cameras to your first OBGYN appointment. Not something that needs to be documented - hell, I didn't even take my mother.
Please, run while you can. If you ever need anything, I really will help you out.
XO
Freak
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