Apparently I look like a total troll in the mornings...

Apparently, through my mothers eyes, this is what I look like at the ungodly hour that is 7:05 AM after two hours of sleep:

Yep.


How's that make you feel, boys and girls?


So she told me to go to bed, then proceeded to wake me up again because she wanted me to go to the grocery real quick so I'd have food for today, then she lost her debit card, then we went to the local Co-op and I got a breakfast burrito that has FAR to many potatoes of a not-quite-potato-like consistency and eggs with cheese of a not-quite-eggy consistency, all wrapped up in a kind of funny tasting tortilla. Reason ten million and one I miss the big city: places with REAL FOOD for breakfast. Like Whole Foods, which is a fucking god-send if you live anywhere near one. And they're all over...


Someone go and get a GOOD breakfast for me, would you? And savor it because I can't? 


Anyways, on that note, I'm going to finish breakfast and go back to bed - yeah, I'm so cool that I do things BACKWARDS - and maybe get on here later because I really want to blog about my opinions of Gwen Stefani, Kelly Osbourne and Taylor Momsen <--- that's going to be very indulgent, as I happen to think they're all style icons, gorgeous and part of me can't decide if I want to be them or marry them. 


So that's it. 


XO


FREAK

pop culture... yeah, it will be the death of me.

My mother has a borderline-unhealthy obsession with The Real Housewives.


Not just the Real Housewives of Orange County. 


Not just the Real Housewives of New York.


Not just the Real Housewives of Atlanta.


Not just the Real Housewives of New Jersey.


Not just the Real Housewives of DC.


No. 


She has a borderline-unhealthy obsession with ALL of them. 


Which has started to rub off on me.


Kind of.


I can't stand the Real Housewives of Orange County... they make me cringe. 


The only one I liked on New York was Bethenny and she has her own show, so I'm no longer obligated to what that bullshit.


Atlanta was a bore - and a certain blond white girl who thought she was black kind of made me give up hope on humanity. As did her singing voice. (Which reminds me, so did "the countess" and Danielle off of Jersey...)


I haven't even TRIED to watch DC more than once, since while they look more human - no skinny little bitches on that one, except for one... whose lack of mass seems to be impacting her brain - they are also far more obnoxious, since you now add in Politics.


What my weakness is... well, that would be The Real Housewives of New Jersey. As much drama as Jersey Shore, slightly more brains and way less spray tan. Even here, on the one show that I don't fight when my mother puts it on EVERY SINGLE BLOODY NIGHT, I can't stand the majority of the cast.


Let's break this down: 


When this show comes on, the face I dread seeing is that of Danielle Staub. Or whatever her name is now that she's flipped a bitch on TV and is probably going into witness protection so that those people who want the world to be a better place don't fling her off of a cliff. My personal suggestion was that we use her and her ego to plug up the oil spill in the gulf of Mexico, but that's just me. I am in no way a doctor, but if I WERE, I would guess that Danielle Staub has a laundry list of mental issues that could be easily dealt with if she would simply institutionalize herself - on a related note, once her eldest daughter turns 18, I believe SHE can ask that her mother be institutionalized. It's a good idea - I'm considering it for my father. 


Then there's her daughters. I don't dislike them. In fact, I find them charming... the older daughter (Christine) is a lovely human with buckets of talent who deserves to be free of her mothers claws so she can pursue greatness, while the younger one (Jillian)is sweet but could use a better parent-figure that can steer her towards her own creative and emotional and social growth. Simply put: GIRLS, run away. Run FAR away. Your father seems nice, try that one next, yeah? Run!


Ehem... anyways...


From there, we've got the slate of people that I neither like or dislike. 


Teresa Giudice and her flock of small, bow-covered children. She seems rather frivolous... and while her children are adorable and she seems incredibly sweet, I don't find her to be particularly... I don't know. Inviting? But it's hard to complain, as she is so much better than the ego-centric Staub. Yes, Teresa reminds me of girls I went to high school with. But obviously I've gotten used to that.


Next, is Jacqueline Laurita. Once again, this girl reminds me of the girls I went to high school with. Her daughter, on the other hand, is like nails on a chalkboard for my mind. She's petty and reckless and... high school. SO VERY HIGH SCHOOL. My immunity wears thin with these two. SO. VERY. THIN.


Finally, the "I like her, just not as much as I like other people" housewife: Dina Manzo. She's nice. She seems smart. Her daughter is adorable. Her cat gives me the creeps. She gives me a slightly high school vibe, but not particularly. She reminds me a bit of my mother as well. Which is scary. 


And then... 


Well, if I could have hand-picked my mother, this is the woman I would have chosen. Caroline Manzo and her husband Albert, their kids Albie and Lauren and Christopher... dibs on that family if I get a do-over. 


Caroline is the only one who without fail I find to be smart, charming, maternal... she's the kind of person who I want the world to be filled with. Enough said.


So, children, what have we learned today? 


1 - with enough exposure, I can apparently learn to like just about anything. Except for certain people in my home town... no amount of spending time with you lot will make me like you. Just like no amount of therapy (my suggestion: electroshock) will make Danielle Staub tolerable and sane. 


2 - I get really, really vicious when people who don't deserve to exist are on TV being dumb bitches who will, if karma is the bitch she's always proven to be, will suffer some great discomfort in the near future... um. Right. Yeah. Me = vicious bitch. That'd be lesson number two.


3 - there are five different varieties of "Real Housewives" and all but one should probably go off air, since the other that deserved a time slot lost it's crowning jewel. 


See? Three whole lessons from one post about a generally pretty lame TV series. Ace. 


XO


Freak


PS:


I forgot to mention the Kims: Kim D and Kim G. Here's all I've got to say about the Kims ---> Dear Kim D and Kim G, please fall off of the face of the planet. Oh, and if you want to, take Danielle with you. XO Freak


PPS:


Dear Christine,
You're amazing. Let me express my pity for the fact that your mother took the cameras to your first OBGYN appointment. Not something that needs to be documented - hell, I didn't even take my mother. 
Please, run while you can. If you ever need anything, I really will help you out. 
XO
Freak

Depressing:

Everyone around me is going off to College. Well, not everyone. But it feels like a hell of a lot of people. 

And I'm not. 

It feels weird. Really fucking weird.

I see these facebook posts with photos from dorm rooms, and I realize I'm living at home with my mother. 

I see these facebook posts with photos of elaborate buildings on some expensive campus, and I realize that I'm not even registered for the local community college yet. 

I see these facebook posts with photos of people I knew for years going on to become big kids while I sit in my living room watching Fight Club and eating hot pockets because I'm to broke to buy anything else. 

Depressing realization of the week? 

Yeah. Got THAT covered. 

XO

Freak

I'm Katie fucking Fitch, who the fuck are you?!

Say what you will about me. 


Say what you will about British culture.


Say what you will about the phenomenon that is Skins.


But you've got to admit...


This is fucking funny:




Enjoy,


XO


FREAK

Today was LAME because...

I went to give blood and couldn't because my iron levels were too low. 


Thankfully, I can try again on Friday, Saturday and Monday. I think I'll go with monday. And I can do the double red cell donation (yay, O Negative blood type!) which is cool. Cuz it can help little babies!


(I just failed at seeming like a heartless badass didn't I?)


I don't dislike humans. I just don't really like them either. Knowing that my blood is more likely to go to a premature baby who needs multiple red cell transfusions makes me feel better about giving blood. 


I like babies. I like them a lot more than I like humans in general. I even like them more than I like most little kids, and far more than I like teenagers and adults and old people. They've come into this world screaming, shocked to leave their comfy cozy home for bright lights and too much noise. Despite that, they don't judge you because of how you dress or how you talk, because of the tattoos or piercings you do or don't have... they don't judge you because you can or can't afford nice things. If you hold then and snuggle them and talk to them, they love you.


Like cats. I also like cats a lot more than I like humans. But I can't donate blood in the name of cats, so I donate for the sake of babies instead. 


So anyone who's going to be going in on Monday to the Medford center, let me know. I have to call and get an appointment soon. Go in and save lives.


Well, I'm going to go put Mickey Mouse bandaids on my jabbed and stabbed fingers.


XO


Freak